So last night I went out to Krystal's birthday bash with some friends, before which I decided to suck down a screwdriver with quite a bit of alcohol in it. Bad start. Now let me just mention that I haven't really been drinking a lot lately because I generally drive home and obviously don't want to drive all twisted. So since this party was in walking distance I proceeded to get shit faced, make bad decisions (what else is new) and oh yeah I apparently fell (it gets a little hazy here- but who is surprised) and when I woke up this morning my good ankle is now all fucked up! ARGGHHH

So now I'm limping around on what was my good leg- and I am pretty sure I sprained it. I really just shouldn't be allowed to walk anywhere. If I was rich I would totally pay two big good looking men to carry me around on one of those litters that they used about 2-3000 years ago in places like Egypt and Rome...

Well it doesn't happen often but I find myself missing CT lately and not to mention everyone who is already there...err everyone that I like that is already there. I love Colorado and all of my friends out here but sometimes it really sucks that I cant just pop over to Miheer's or Brian's, or go annoy Elzatch about something, or have drunken girls nights with Nadine and Jess in my room (or just hang with everyone in general). I miss horseback riding and Rich's and Mikey's and all that crap, but as selfserving as it sounds, the thing that makes it worse is that almost everyone of my 'bury friends gets to do all of these things on a somewhat regular basis. And I'm jealous. How fucked up is that? I would rather everyone else didn't get to see each other as much because then I wouldn't feel so cut off. I think what I really miss most is the history I have with a lot of people from home. Even if we hadn't been friends for a long time before college, the 'burys are so small that you can't help but know everyone's history. And I know that I was the one who obviously made the decision to go to school 1860 miles away, but sometimes I feel slightly morose about it. Not only do I wish I could come home more often, but I wish travel was cheaper so people could come visit me! I know everyone would love it out here- not only is Boulder a great town, but I think my CT and my CO people would really hit it off.

But I shall be home for about 10 days- one of which will be spent at the always exciting PHS graduation for my little brother (who I think just passed the 6' mark so I feel stupid calling him little). I'm going to try and squeeze in as much time with everyone as I can before I have to leave again, so everyone needs to pencil me in or whatever!

Hmm so I haven't posted in a while so here is whats going on. I went back to work about three weeks ago. Finally I am making money again and not relying on family members to pay for me to live. Its nice being back at work even if my ankle hurts after long or busy days, however I did like all the free time I had to read while crippled (anyone need any book recommendations let me know!). I also am done with classes for the summer :-) and did really well in all of them. So that would be the general information.

Tuesday I finally got to play softball with everyone from Cheesecake- I was supposed to play starting in the winter but then I broke my leg rather inconviniently. Our team won 15-5 but I cant say I was much help due to the fact that I cant run very fast yet and I haven't played softball in ohhh 7 or so years. But it was lots of fun. However in true Bri style I did get lost on the way home. On the way to the game it was daylight and I was following some people and had Britton and Jason in my car, not the case on the way home. I noticed I had some missed calls when I got to my car after the game, so I was talking on the phone when I was leaving. About 7 minutes into driving I realized I was in fact not getting closer to a city, but actually out in the middle of B.F.E. After stopping to get my bearings I realized that I was actually driving southeast instead of northwestish. Whoops. But I eventually got home alive and well, popped a percocet for my ankle and passed out.

Yesterday I went hiking up in Chautauqua Park with Danny. Normally I love hiking and this was a lot of fun, however my stupid left leg still just isn't up to anything even remotely strenuous. So between that and softball I think I took it a little to far the past few days. But I miss sports and hiking a lot so I think I'm just going to start ignoring my leg and do things my way, which is what I did with almost every other surgery I've had. Eventually my ankle will catch up.

So here we are on another Thursday night, and I am stuck in class listening to my teacher talk about completely irrelevant topics. What, you might ask, are we talking about. The evil world of commercial advertising, the modern day media monopoly and how todays current government is out to get us all. Not so bad right? Sounds kinda interesting and schoolish. But wait what class am I in...oh yeah Upper Division EUROPEAN HISTORY! And what are we supposed to be studying? That would be WORLD WAR FREEKING ONE! Grr. I am so sick of teachers who take up time talking about irrelevant subjects. Sure sometimes you get an interesting tangent, but generally, when you are in class from 6-9 on a Thursday night, all you can think of is "hey instead of wasting 30 minutes talking about irrelevant crap- lets get out 30 minutes early!"

Ok so now that my tangent is over, on to the good news!

On Tuesday I went to the doctors to get another round of scans done, and it appears that my bone is now basically completely cured. However the tendons and ligament that I fucked up are still healing. But my surgeon feels that I can start putting weight on my leg! This is all well and good in theory, unfortunately no so good in practicality. I can put weight on my leg with very little pain, but actually walking is really quite painful. The tendons, muscles, and ligament that I damaged affect my ankle in such a way that it is almost impossible to flex my foot, meaning any movement that involves keeping my heel relatively down and bending my knee, hurts like a mother fucker.

This all said, I am extremely glad to be off the crutches, and even though walking hurts, I am viewing this all as a major plus. Physical therapy starts at 8AM tomorrow morning (tear) and hopefully it will go rather smoothly, not to mention quickly.

Ok so now that the rant about the evils of modern day America is over, we are back to talking about the evils of Hitler. AKA note taking is needed...

so I just got home from Connecticut for my break. While I am glad that I went home and got to see everyone let me just say this; traveling on crutches SUCKS! You cannot even imagine how much of a pain in the ass it is to hop through DIA, using only your arms and your right foot. Oh and security! I was throughly examine with a metal detecting wand, patted down, and my sexy little black boot was swabbed to make sure I wasn't concealing what I can only suppose is anything from heroin to nuclear weapons. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the FFA's efforts to make it safe for us to fly, they just lose me somewhere alone the water bottle and lotion route.

With that all said and done, and the cripple was deemed to be a non threat, I finally got on the plane at 12:30AM (CO time) and began the 3 hour 45 minute flight home. Now I never sleep on planes, sometimes on the way to Hawaii/Europe I will dose for 15 minutes here and there, but overall not so much. I just cannot get comfortable in the 4 or so feet of cubic space that I am alloted. Generally the red eye flight is relatively sparsely populated though, so I can spread out and read without bothering anyone. Of course thats not the case this time. The flight is absolutely full. So once we take off, I get as comfortable as possible and turn on my little light to read. About 45 min into the flight the girl next to me starts shifting about and making big heavy sighs of annoyance, periodically looking over at me with a look of hatred. She apparently does not like my reading habits, or more specifically the fact that my reading requires a light. I am sorry to say that I really couldn't give a damn what Fatblondteenagechick wanted. If and when I like darkness on a plane I bring a sleeping mask or throw a sweatshirt over my head. So I'm sorry person wherever you are, but I'm not about to stare at the seat in front of me, or pay 8 bucks to rent a movie.

So back in Connecticut I got to see Elzatch on Wednesday and Thursday night before he ran off to Albany (which is not exactly the destination of choice in March) to watch Cornell play hockey. Thursday night I also go to go see Brian. Lindsay and I helped B to make dinner (often ridiculing his cooking and conversational skills) and the Mike K came over to eat. Friday Mihee came home so I went to visit him, PJ, and Mrs. Sane and we rented August Rush (not recommending it). Then Saturday was lunch with Nadine, a dinner party with family friends and a partial NH reunion. Sunday was Easter so I of course went to church and worshiped Jesus (not so much) and more accurately went to my aunts and saw some family.

The rest of my stay in dreary CT was pretty basically boring, hung out with fam, ate good food that I missed, and read some good books (definitely recommend Dracula by Bram Stoker, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah and The Pact by Jodi Picoult). Speaking of dreary, can I just take a moment to mention that I forgot what CT was like in March! March in Colorado is pretty schizophrenic, but generally sunny with many a day in the high 50s and 60s and some even low 70s. Needless to say March in Connecticut, is none of these things. In the 8 days that I was home it may have hit mid 50s once and been sunny twice. Cloudy, rainy and low-mid 40s was the deal most of the time, aka CRAPPY WEATHER. So after everyone went back to their respective schools (mainly UCONN) I started to sincerel, regret my decision not to go to Florida like any sane person would have done.

Now having traversed La Guardia Airport, and hopped through Denver International once again, I find myself back in Boulder. I definitely miss all my PHS friends a lot when I am out here, but I really don't find myself pining for Connecticut too often. Although this summer will probably be hard because while everyone (for the most part) is back in the 'bury's working and hanging out, I shall be out here slaving away at the Cheesecake Factory and missing all the get togethers...

Well thats all for now folks. I'm bloody exhausted and its time for me to catch up on some much desired sleep. For all of you still in CT I miss you and wish I could have seen more of you!

I got my cast off today!! I still can't put any weight on my leg, and I have to wear a removable bootie but I can actually shave my leg. It felt so nice to finally be able to get my leg wet and scrub off the 34 layers of dead skin (so fuckin nasty lol).

So now that I'm finally free of the cast I think I'm actually going to go somewhere for spring break- either Florida or Connecticut, I haven't really decided yet. But if your spring break is next week, I'm probably going to be traveling Wed 19-Wed 26 because the airfare is pretty cheep and I can afford to miss a day of classes. So if I end up going home maybe I will actually get to see some people :-)

Besides all that it was a pretty interesting weekend. Friday Jill came home from work with the flu and Marsha had the first of what is going to be many root canals. So basically it was a shit show here at Casa De Bri. Friday was also my neighbor Ted's 21st birthday which was a pretty good time. The highlight of my night being when I went to answer my phone, tripped and one of my crutches fell through the slots of the balcony :-( and then I had to persuade someone to go get it for me.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, I pretty much just stayed in and chilled, did some homework, watched TV...boring.

This isn't a really interesting post, and its more maudlin than anything else, but I guess its just the mood that I'm in this morning...


Sunday mornings always feel like they should start off slow and early, as one by one people gather down in the kitchen for breakfast. The noise level steadily rising as more and more people wake up, subsequently waking the rest of the house up. While I was growing up my house was, more often than not, filled with more than the average 4 people on Sunday mornings. Friends of Brendan's and mine, left over from sleepovers; visiting family or family friends; and not to mention just the average early morning visitors. My mom and dad were usually the first ones up in the morning. Dad would get up, put on some music, start cooking breakfast, and as long as they were instant pancakes my mom would help out too (while the rest of us prayed she wouldn't burn anything).

Eventually I would drag myself out of bed (usually one of the last ones up) and come down to see what the day would hold. More often than not it involved yard work, which I studiously tried to avoid by hiding inside. Sometimes, however, it would be trips to Jones Beach, or down to the lake to chill on the boat, or even just sitting out by the pool.

Most of the time when I was forced to do yard work on Sunday mornings, my dad and I would usually go down to the boat in the afternoon as a reward. Unfortunately its a law that if you want to go tubing, waterskiing, wakeboarding, etc... you have to bring a third person along with you to "spot" the person behind the boat. Sometimes this was no problem, other times it was like pulling teeth to get my mom or brother or whomever to come down (often we just broke the law). That was mine and my dad's thing. Brendan and Dad had pool, Dad and I had the boat. The summer after my dad died, my family and our close family friends all went to Hawaii for a few weeks, and then I left almost immediately for Europe for close to a month. When I came back, I noticed that my waterskiis were in the garage, along with all the life jackets. I questioned my mother about it and discovered that she had sold the boat.

I grew up fast when I was 15, but I was always a rather precocious child. However, if I look back at my life, I think that moment is when I really lost my "innocence," as tacky as that may sound. I don't blame my mom anymore, for the decisions she made that summer. I understand that she did what she felt was right for all of us at that time, and am no longer mad or upset like I was for years after that, only saddened at times. Its hard to lose such a big part of your life so suddenly, and then to keep having pieces and pieces of that chipped away over time, until you feel like you have nothing left. I've lost a lot since that winter; a father, I loved; a home, I grew up in; a best friend, I thought I'd never be without; a boy, I thought was an older brother; and an innocence, that I'll never get back.

A lot of people say they don't have any regrets about their past, or the way they lived their life. I either truly pity them, or ruthlessly envy them. Because they have either never felt a huge loss or pain, or are just too numb to care. There isn't much that I regret about the way my life has turned out, but what I do, I feel to the depths of my being. There are times that I could have been a much better friend, a better daughter and sister. There are times I would have gladly wished pain on others, if only mine were less. Times when I've lied, and things that I've said simply to hurt. But what I regret, more than anything in life, are all the things I've said and done that caused others pain. That I will never get to that point in my life where all the teen angst falls away, and you get to be legitimate friends with your dad. I will never get to that point with my dad, where we both realize that we were simply to stubborn people with Irish tempers, to similar to get along a lot of the time when I was a teenager. Parents can suck, they can be hard assed and mean, but most do it out of love for their children. And having lost a parent let me just say this, I know I told my father I loved him a thousand times more often than I said something hateful. But the moments that most stick out in my mind, are the ones where I told him I hated him, and I can never get that back.

I miss lazy Sundays in the old house, when everything was as quiet or as loud as you wanted it to be, surrounded by family and friends. Life was a whole lot easier

So today I was supposed to go and get my cast off, but of course this being my life nothing goes as planned. Around noon I get a call informing me that my doctor was pulled into an emergency surgery and wouldn't be able to make our appointment so I need to reschedule. From there on the conversation went something like this:
Me: "Ok well I'm free all day tomorrow, are there any openings?"
Receptionist: "No I'm sorry he is all booked tomorrow"
Me: "Well is there anyone else who can take it off? I mean they just have to saw it off right?"
Receptionist: "The doctors usually prefer to be around when it's done so they can see how its healing"
Me: "OK. Well how about Sunday?"
Receptionist: "Dr. Stoll doesn't work on Sundays"
Me: "Awesome. So Monday then?"
Receptionist: "Yes we have a 9:15AM available"
Me: "Ok great"
Receptionist: "Oh by the way we will be in the Louisville office on Monday

Of course you will! Why would any thing go easy in my life! Argh lol

So now I am stuck with this cast until Monday, which puts a significant damper on my weekend, but there's nothing I can do about that now. Thankfully Danny is going to help me go through the grocery store this afternoon, I'm basically living off Doritos, peanut butter (but nothing to put it on), and water. It's really annoying that I have to depend on people for shit like this, and I feel bad asking but I don't know what else to do...Another exciting part of my weekend will be figuring out how to do what is almost 4 weeks worth of laundry...somehow I don't think I can manage to lug my laundry down 3 flights of stairs on crutches. I mean i could try, but I might end up with a broken neck and death by stairs would be a really embaressing thing to have in the newspaper.

Oh and shout out to mom for sending me some East Coast bagels!! So stoked, no one can make a decent bagel out here, its kinda annoying

Well thats about it for now, gotta go hop around the grocery store.

Hello Again!
After almost 2 years of silence I thought I would start with the LJ writing again. So 4 weeks ago to the day, I broke my leg slipping on ice. Of course being me, its not a nice simple break. oh no. I broke 2 bones, tore 3 tendons and 1 ligament. So after having surgery to get a titanium plate and 8 or so screws inserted into my leg, my life has basically stopped. I cant work, I can barely go to school (I had to drop a few classes) and my day basically consists of sitting around my apartment all day, wishing I was almost anywhere else.
At first it was kind of nice to have a vacation, to be able to sit around (all drugged up) and chill. My mom was a huge help as well, coming out to help me during the surgery and what not. Now however I'm going crazy. I cant do anything by myself, and I absolutely hate being codependent. I have about 4 weeks of laundry that needs to be done, no groceries, and I've reread/rewatched just about everything in my bookshelf.
Even though I started going to class again last week, life is still pretty damn boring. Oh and a downside to actually having to attend class again, I am now unable to watch Lost since I have class from 6-9 on Thursdays. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't live in CO, because Lost normally airs at 9, so I could probably make it home in time. However out here nothing plays at its scheduled time. Somethings play 2 hours early (on EST), somethings play 1 hour late (PST), a few things actually play on time (mountain time), but mostly everything (including Lost) plays 1 hour early, on Central Time. Its the most screwed up system I have ever heard of.

But enough venting. Its time for me to go back to actually paying attention in class.

I totally stole this from Jess because I'm really very bored right now....

I have...
been drunk.--- haha yeah
kissed a member of the opposite sex.--- yup
kissed a member of the same sex.--- no
rode in a taxi.--- yup...although Miheer and I totally dominate the NYC subway
been dumped--- no
been fired --- no
been in a fist fight--- haha yeah
snuck out of your parent's house ---why bother? no one cares if I go out lol
been arrested --- nope
celebrated new years in times square--- hell no- its freezing
went on a blind date --- sketch, no
lied to a friend --- yeah
had a crush on a teacher --- no
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans--- someday...
been to europe ---yes
skipped school --- yup
lost your sibling --- no
had a sleepover party --- all the time
went ice skating --- yep
cheated on a bf/gf --- no
been cheated on --- no
had a quinceanera --- nope
driven illegally --- yeah

do you...
have a bf/gf --- no
have a crush --- no
feel loved. --- occasionally
in love --- whats love?
is someone in love with you --- not that i know of
feel lonely. --- sometimes
feel happy --- most of the time
hate yourself --- not usually
think you're attractive --- not overly
have a dog ---Ebby!
have your own room --- not for much longer...
listen to rap --- not usually
listen to rock --- yeah
listen to soul --- occasionally
listen to techno --- yeah
listen to reggae/ska --- yup
paint your nails --- when I'm really bored
have more than 1 best friend --- yeah
get good grades --- usually
play an instrument --- haha no
have slippers --- nope
wear boxers --- to bed sometimes
wear underwear in general --- yeahhh
wear black eyeliner --- once in a while
like the color blue --- yup
like the color yellow --- in general, when its not on my body
cyber --- that'd be a no
like to read --- yup
like to write --- not usually
have long hair --- I used to...but its still kinda longish
have a cell phone --- umm yeah
have a laptop --- yup

are you...
ugly --- I hope not
pretty --- Maybe
bored --- yup
happy --- not overly so
bilingual --- if you count very bad gutter spanish
short --- no
tall --- no
grounded --- I dont think I've ever been seriously grounded

sick --- no
lazy --- sometimes
single --- yup
taken --- no
looking --- possibly
talking to someone --- yeah
IMing someone --- yeah
scared to die --- haha no
tired --- a bit
sleepy ---- some
annoyed --- no
hungry --- no
thirsty --- yeah
on the phone --- no
in your room --- yeah
drinking something --- no
eating something ---no
in your pjs --- more or less
ticklish --- very
listening to music --- yeah
homophobic --- no